Of Pilgrims and Projects

I was about to start this post with the sentence, "I've always struggled to find my place  in the church and in the world as a woman and as a Mormon," but I realized that, although I liked the sound of it, it would be a lie.  In my early adulthood, I felt perfectly at ease with myself and my church.  Granted, I was a Democrat at BYU ("What!?!  I'm pretty sure it's in the temple recommend interview somewhere that you must vote Republican!"), but my testimony was fairly mainstream and strong.  I'd heard of the feminist organization on campus (VOICE), but somehow never made it to a meeting to check it out.  And I had never considered most of the issues I'm sure they were talking about at the time (long, long ago in an early '90's galaxy far, far away).  I followed a fairly traditional path for a Mormon girl; I went on a mission, got married in the temple, graduated from college (finally), and had some kids (finally).  True, I threw in a little graduate school along the way, but although that may not be typical, it certainly isn't way out there.

Fast forward a few (OK, many) years later and I can say, "I currently struggle to find my place in the church and in the world as a woman and as a Mormon."  Problems with a male-centric hierarchy that seemed normal and natural to me before, now grate on me.  I find it confusing to love a church when I don't love everything it stands for or promotes.  People I meet in the outside world make invalid assumptions about me when they find out I'm LDS, and people in my ward throw out casual comments about those apostate feminists and liberals.  

I was lucky to land in Pittsburgh around the same time that I was growing more into my own sense of self.  There I met a group of amazing women who showed by example that it is possible to navigate the space that includes an awareness about and intolerance of sexism in the church and a strong testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel.  A few weeks after I moved to Pittsburgh in 2000, a stranger (now my dear, dear friend Christine) invited me to a mini retreat held at a cabin up in the mountains.  She described it as "a relief society gathering for liberals."  What had I said to blow my cover?!  How did she know?!  Whatever I had done or said, she was right that I needed it.  Here was a group of women who were not afraid to talk about anything and everything.  Nothing was taboo, having questions was not considered a sign of doubt, and having doubts was not considered a sign of unworthiness.  That spring, I attended a similar, but larger gathering in Indiana - the Midwest Pilgrims Retreat.  It's been a good place to work out my frustrations, vent about my pet peeves, explore my doubts, renew my faith, connect with amazing women, and have a good time.

This year, the group from Pittsburgh was in charge of planning Midwest Pilgrims Retreat in Chicago and it has been a great project for me.  I put together the website (which you can check out here if you're interested in the program we put on), ran registration, made a labyrinth (with Michelle - see below), and led one of the workshops.  Having something tangible to plan and to do that also involved coordinating with lots of other grown-ups on a daily basis brought me out of a funk that had me in its grasp all winter.  Yes, spring, sunshine, new house, and new neighborhood to look forward to all helped as well, but I have a renewed belief in the value of projects.  

The workshop I led was a discussion about an article in Dialogue: "How to Worship our Mother in Heaven (Without Getting Excommunicated)".  Right about here is where half of my cousins have gasped and started to worry about my eternal soul (a few of them started worrying back when I talked about being a liberal feminist).  But, don't worry, it was a great discussion and I learned many ways to incorporate this important and unique aspect of Mormon doctrine into my life and mind.  And besides, I have so many questions and concerns about other things that many consider fundamental to salvation that a little speculation about the feminine divine is absolutely not even on the top ten list of things you should worry about with me (and a very special hello to my R.S. president who is probably reading this - Hi, Eliza!)

The retreat itself was rejuvenating.  So many of my friends who are still in Pittsburgh or who have moved away from Pittsburgh were there.  Below is a shot of all the current and former Pittsburghers who attended (and two are missing from the picture).  Twenty-two of the seventy-four attendees were from Pittsburgh (now or at some point in the recent past).  I don't know that I'll ever find another group like this in a Mormon congregation, and I haven't had much luck converting even a small group in my current suburban ward (can't wait to try it in the city ward).

So, to sum up - I love my friends.  I love my Mormon-ness.  I love Midwest Pilgrims.  I love my crazy ideas and ideals.  I love Chicago.  I love Pittsburgh.  I love holding the camera at arm's length and hoping against all previous experience in my life that I'll get a decent shot (see below).  I love a weekend without the kids.  I love my family (liberal and conservative sides).  I even love the struggle to find my place in the world and in the church.  After all, how boring would it be to just go back to being comfortable.

Welcome to the American Dream

So, we did it! In the last whirlwind of a week, we've gotten word that the funding for Erik's dream job will be ongoing, got ourselves a real estate agent and pre-approval for a loan, looked at some houses, fell in love, made an offer, and bought ourselves a house!! Of course, everything is still contingent on the inspection, etc., but we are thrilled. 

The house has 3 bedrooms and a full bath on the top floor.  On the 2nd floor are a living room, dining room, eat-in kitchen, pantry, half bath, bedroom (office), screened-in porch, and 2-car attached garage (something I never thought we'd get on the kind of older home we wanted).  The basement has a finished playroom, an unfinished workroom (that I plan to finish as another office), laundry, and storage. It's on a corner with a fenced yard and it even comes with a swingset. It's a 1930's home which gives it all of the great character I love - hardwood floors, built in bookcases, lovely fireplace, archway between the living and dining rooms. But, the current owners have made a lot of great updates - new bathrooms, new roof, new windows, new boiler, etc. Plus, they have great taste in paint and decor - we can just move right in. It's on the smaller side of our square footage range, but the spaces are all perfect. It's got a very 'not too big house' feel to me - smart spaces with character and charm as opposed to big empty space for the sake of space. 

The neighborhood is great. We're right across the street from a tip-top rated elementary school with a fabulous playground. The library and some cute shops are a quick walk away (and there are sidewalks everywhere - the lack of which are a major source of stress in my current life). There are a TON of kids in the neighborhood - I've met the mom across the street who has two kids the same ages as ours. She assured me that Go-go and Mui-mui will never lack for neighborhood playmates. And we'll be changing wards - we'll be in the city ward which has a really nice vibe. 

The timing has been amazing and a blessing. We've seen a lot of houses online and have been doing the open house circuit for the past month and a half; we've seen several that had one or two things missing from our lists or could work if they had to. But this house came on the market just a few days after we decided we could go ahead and buy and we were able to get to it first. We'll close at the end of July. Here are some pictures (obviously not our furniture): 

Sorry to gush - we're property virgins and I was really dreading the whole process.  So far it had been great and we both feel incredibly calm about everything.  I'll let you know if I still feel the same way when we close.

What I learned in Sunbeams

Every week, I pick Go-go up from his Sunbeam class at church. When he sees me in the doorway, he shouts, "Mommy!" and starts to run for me.
Every week, his teacher calls out, "Wait a second!" and hands him the picture he drew along with any other craft project or handout they did that day.
Every week, I ask him to tell me about his picture, and every week he replies, "It's a big monster!"

A few weeks ago, I suggested that maybe he should draw a picture about the lesson they had in class, or maybe just a picture about Jesus.

The boy does not disappoint. Here is his picture from last Sunday:

"It's the big monster that scared Jesus!"

Easter wiggles

Most of our Easter fun was at Becca's house on Friday and Saturday. Eggs filled with candy and scavenger hunt clues, ring pops, a glitter ball, and a Batman scooter were all involved. Great fun - but, alas, no pictures.

Sunday morning, the kids looked dashing in their Easter finery, but were in no mood to take pictures. Here are a few of their wiggle-rific poses:







Of course, for maximum Easter Portrait fun, running away is always a good approach:






By the time church was done, so were the kids:



So, no sweet smiling portraits of cherubic children in their Easter frippery, but we had a lovely holiday and you'll just have to believe me that they looked charming.

By Popular Demand

So many of my faithful readers cried out for messy blueberry pictures the last time the kids ate frozen blueberries that I simply had to post pictures from this morning's blueberry adventure. I couldn't disappoint my loyal fans, now could I?

Kid Portraits

Go-go



Mui-mui



Go-go and his best friend Becca (now we have the perfect picture to put on their wedding invitations in 20 years)

Transform!

This morning, we pulled out one of our 'Liken the Scriptures' videos (silly (but fun) musicals about scripture stories - this one is about Nephi and Laban and imagines Lehi's four sons as sort of a boy-band). This afternoon, Go-go put a striped blanket on his head and said, "Look mom! I'm Lehi because he wears a hat just like this." I felt all warm and fuzzy - the good mom whose son wants to play scripture stories. And then reality descended upon us once more, " Lehi transforms into a big truck! Look mom, I'm Lehi the transformer!" Sigh.

Smart Mom, Dumb Mom

Saying that my kids kind of love blueberries is like saying that I kind of like chocolate. But, they're pretty messy, so they don't get them as often as they would like. Never fear - Smart Mom is here! Smart Mom thought, "No problem - Go-go is already in a blue shirt and blue pants (plus he's old enough to eat with relatively little mess) and I'll just strip Mui-mui down to her diaper. Afterwards, I'll plop them both in the tub and we're good to go!" So, for lunch today, we had blueberry pomegranate applesauce and frozen blueberries with our quesadillas. And Smart Mom was right! They loved it, they got clean, and I dressed them in nice clean clothes. Mui-mui was even wearing a darling new shirt - cream with pink and brown writing that says, "I love to Twirl." All was good with the world. And then Dumb Mom struck.

Dumb Mom forgot three crucial things: 1)Although I cleaned up the high chair, I neglected to remove Go-go's leftovers from the kitchen table; 2)Mui-mui loves to climb up on the kitchen table; and 3)If it's too quiet, bad things are happening! Blue face, blue legs, blue feet, blue hair, and saddest of all, blue shirt. Deep, dark, purplish, splotchy, impossible to ever clean, blue shirt. Sigh.

Fun stuff

We've been having a fun couple of weeks. At the end of February, they had a 'beach' set up at the mall. We had a great time playing in the sand:




And on Friday night, we had a 'campout' in our basement. We had a tent set up and we ate hot dogs and s'mores in the tent, told fun stories, and sang all of the songs I could remember from girls' camp:




Go-go is obsessed with transformers. Sadly, he only owns one real transformer. Happily, he doesn't need a real transformer to play transformers. His new favorite activity is to build a robot out of blocks, tell me he's going to transform it (or tell me that I have to transform it), move some blocks around, and then tell me what it has transformed into. Usually he does this with his Mega Bloks (kind of like giant legos), but today he built robot families with his wooden blocks:




Mui-mui is obsessed with her shoes and her coat. She is constantly bringing them to me to put on her - probably because she thinks it will mean we'll go somewhere fun. Today she chose a vest instead of a coat and added a hat from our dress-up collection to complete the look. I thought she was quite dashing:



Another new favorite Mui-mui discovery is the bouncy horse that used to belong to Erik and his siblings. She loves to climb up on it and bounce her heart out. She's not quite as good at climbing down, but she loves the horse: